omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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