My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
