period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize