WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
