from now on my penis is your penis
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she peed on how many people?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
