I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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