Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
