he thought i was a dude.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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