I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
