bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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