Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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