dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
