they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
