So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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