I didn't shave. On purpose
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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