So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
