theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
