Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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