My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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