Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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