I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
