"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
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