Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize