Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
