Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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