Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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