You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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