Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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