Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I have post one night stand depression
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
