How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
