Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
