I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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