I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
