It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
