The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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