We're like a lot better than the average bears
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize