Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
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