Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Welp...herpes.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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