I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
