I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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