At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
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