Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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