week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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