i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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