I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
