You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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