He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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