All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
