sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
