he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
