FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
