Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Your cock deserves a montage
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
