I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
