I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
