So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
