why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
