he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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