hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
