I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
