Nicole vs. Life
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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