no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
