you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
