I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
