i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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