I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
