u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's not a walk of shame if you run
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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